Saving Smiles A Holiday Story
by Becsy Lexi
Summary: B/A A piece of holiday fluff, partly inspired by Vanessa Carlton's 'Pretty Baby'.
1. Saving my Smiles

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy/Angel blah blah. All Joss's  
  
Different timeline from season three onwards, and set several years on, Buffy's about 28. I'd have had it from season four onwards but I really don't think it worked too well. Lets just say that a few things from that series happened and so on, minus such annoying instances as Riley, the Initiative, Glory, Buffy's death, sex with Spike, Tara's death...you get the picture. Also, Connor does not exist here, just too complicated. The only death I am acknowledging is Joyce; since it was natural and all. And Faith was reformed when she woke up from the coma and was forgiven. Anyway, this is just a short fic that was partly inspired by Vanessa Carlton's song 'Pretty Baby'. Any words in italics are lyrics from that song and obviously belong to Vanessa Carlton not me.  
  
B/A - did you even have to ask?  
  
A Belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all.  
  
  
  
Saving Smiles: A Holiday Story  
  
  
  
1. Saving my Smiles  
  
  
  
"Bye Dawnie, bye Matt, see you next week!" I called after them as they made their way to Matt's car after a busy day after Christmas with all the Scooby's. It was late and already dark when most of everyone had left. Dawn and Matt had stayed and helped me with the rest of the clear up. I closed the door as they drove away to their apartment and turned around to face the inside of my house, my empty house. It was something of a relief and sad that it was empty again. A Scooby Christmas is never dull and always loud and it's become a sort of tradition to have Christmas at my house. I guess it's left over from when mom was still alive. And since we helped to close the hellmouth more than five years ago now, it's nice to know that no demon is going interrupt the festivities. And I love having everyone here.  
  
  
  
Willow and Tara and their little boy, Harry, now two is the cutest little thing you ever saw, well that is except for Alex Jr and Ben, Xander and Anya's sons who are now five and one. Alex is a fireball of energy and it is strange if he is still for more than a second, except for when he's eating that is. Tara is six months pregnant; it's her turn this time, with another boy so they're going to be very busy. Dawn moved out this past year, it was kind of gradual, I'm not sure whether that was for my or their benefit, probably both in the end. I can't say it was upsetting, a little sad that I finally had to accept that my baby sister is no longer a child, but it was more than offset by my happiness at her happiness with Matt. I was a little concerned at first that they were moving too quickly, but as they met as freshmen at Sunnydale U, it wasn't really. I think it was just because of how all the guys I went out with in college were complete jerks and I found it a little hard to believe that Dawn had found 'the one' so quickly. But I'm glad she has, at least one of us is, um, in love.  
  
Faith came this Christmas but she doesn't stay very long, she's still fighting, helping where she can. I think she's still trying to find herself.  
  
  
  
And then there's Giles. He moved back to England after I was 'relieved' of my slayer duties at the close of the hellmouth. Another slayer was called, in England. I met her once while on vacation at Giles'. He comes over several times a year but I know he's very busy. He's now the director of the British Museum, which he loves. He couldn't come for Christmas this year but he said he's owed holiday in a couple of weeks so we should see him then.  
  
  
  
So, it's very busy when everyone's here, and Christmas is special. But when they've all just left after the day it does tend to make the house feel even more empty than usual. I sometimes think of moving because I don't need the space but I think mom's presence is too great for me to leave. Not actual presence obviously. And I don't need to move; I get just about enough money as a high school teacher to deal with it.  
  
  
  
So here I am, faced with an empty house, mirrored by my empty life. Well, that's a bit melodramatic really. I have a lot in my life. I have my job that I love, my friends, and my friend's children to whom I am a regular babysitter. It's not my life; it is my love life's that empty. I'm not sure if it is my fault. Willow would tell me it wasn't entirely my fault; I suppose Anya would tell me it was. The truth is that since I started college I've had bad luck with guys. I mean, none of them actually turned out to be a vampire but they turned out to be other things; jerks, perverts, pathetic hanger-onners, you name it I've been there. I mean it's no wonder that I've pretty much given up on them. Maybe I should be a lesbian, but then I think the best girls are already taken and I'm not sure my heart would really be in it.  
  
  
  
For some strange reason, despite disappointment where guys are concerned my heart still clings to an impossible romantic dream, featured word, impossible. But then I think I was always a romantic. It's a miracle my trampled heart still yearns for it.  
  
  
  
I know who it wants. But we don't always get what we want. Everyone knows who I want. Who I've wanted for more than ten years but whom I can't have.  
  
  
  
I flop myself down onto the couch, use the remote to turn the stereo on and watch the fire, trying to get lost in it, trying to find an escape from where my thoughts are about to lead me. I mean, I fantasise, I daydream but there is nothing beyond that. I lose myself in memory more than is perhaps healthy.  
  
  
  
Despite all my best efforts, after a day full of smiles and laughter, smiles from everyone else, in my empty house, I can't help but think of Angel. I need help, I swear! I can't seem to bring myself to care though, as I get lost in thoughts of him and no one else.  
  
  
  
It seems that in spite of my best efforts to live a normal life, to face reality, I've been saving my smiles for him.  
  
  
  
  
  
I love Feedback.  
  
I will post the next chapter in a minute. 


	2. Living Memories

2. Living Memories  
  
  
  
  
  
The quiet music draws me away from myself. All I have to do is close my eyes, and I'm back at Sunnydale High, ten years ago. I was the slayer, in love with a vampire. He was everything, I know now that I was blinded by love. But it was a good loss of sight, except of course, when it led to death from my incompetence.  
  
  
  
You light me up and then I fall for you  
  
  
  
Was it my fault or his? We loved each other; I think the answer lies in that. I suppose we should have known better but we weren't to know what was to happen. How could we have known? All we knew was that we wanted each other, probably too much.  
  
  
  
You lay me down and then I call for you  
  
  
  
It was certainly the perfect scenario for the whole 'I told you so' phrase from whoever hadn't approved in the first place. Was that everyone? It doesn't matter now, that was then and this is now. But then, if that were completely true I'd have got over Angel years ago.  
  
  
  
I was devastated when he said he was leaving. I honestly didn't understand why he was doing it. It was only later, a lot later that I truly understood.  
  
  
  
Stumbling on reasons that are far and few  
  
  
  
And now, the walls that I've built aren't coming down for anyone.  
  
  
  
I'd let it all come down and then some for you  
  
  
  
  
  
I remember pleading with him to stay. I almost wish I could banish the sewer talk from my mind completely.  
  
  
  
Pretty baby don't you leave me  
  
  
  
And I'm still saying it. I'm so sad. I'm sure he isn't sat staring into the fire like a drunken old fart on the day after Christmas thinking about me. I'm sure he's too busy earning redemption. But as sad as it is to admit, it doesn't make it any less true, that I haven't smiled properly for years. Everyone thinks they're so clever in this observation when everyone else knows anyway,  
  
  
  
I have been saving smiles for you  
  
  
  
I couldn't see what I see now, what I realised. It was too much of a teenager's drama of heartbreak for me to see the truth. I lived in painful denial.  
  
  
  
Pretty baby why can't you see  
  
  
  
You're the one that I belong to  
  
  
  
How naïve was I in the beginning? More than you would think with me being the slayer. I wanted what all of us girls wanted, for our boyfriends to be there forever. I'd still like that, though I know it's a fantasy. I have moved on, just not so much from him.  
  
  
  
I'll be the embrace that keeps you warm  
  
  
  
For you're the sun that breaks the storm  
  
  
  
And I've been left like this.  
  
  
  
I'll be alright and I'll sleep sound  
  
  
  
As long as you keep comin' round, oh pretty baby  
  
  
  
The fires still burning when I pull myself away from a fleeting image of Angel in the sunlight, kissing me. I shake my head as if to loosen the last dregs of to-nights reverie. And somehow feel a little better at not thinking about him any longer. I've had enough. The events of the day pass over my minds eye and I smile. My life is full of friends and that's a great thing.  
  
  
  
After going about the ritual of the end of the day and going to bed I climb the stairs, pausing to reassure myself that I had put the fire out. At least I can sleep in tomorrow. Thank god for the school vacation.  
  
  
  
  
  
And I know things can't last forever  
  
But there are lessons that you'll never learn  
  
Oh just the scent of you it makes me hurt  
  
So how's it you that makes me better  
  
  
  
Why can't you hold me and never let go  
  
  
  
I've been saving my smiles for you.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Tbc.....  
  
  
  
  
  
For those of you that are wondering where Angel is, the next chapter is full of him! 


	3. Sun that Breaks the Storm

3. Sun that Breaks the Storm  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I was reluctant to open my eyes, a futile attempt on my part to prolong the dream I was having. I'm not the only one who does it. I remembered that I didn't have to get up early and went back to sleep, trying to recall the dream back to me, as if tempting a kitten with a piece of ribbon. Come on, you know you want to.  
  
  
  
What time is it? I shout when I wake up next in a daft sleep ridden stupor. A habit left over from my early experiences of teaching when I'd wake up late and shout profanities as I ran around the house like a headless chicken as I try to get dressed, eat breakfast and search for my car keys at the same time. I relax somewhat when I realise, again, that I don't have to rush. I sigh and decide to get up now leaving the fading fragments of my dream in the bedroom and it is almost forgotten by the time I get to the bottom of the stairs.  
  
  
  
Deciding that I don't look too bad, I go out to collect the mail and feel the need to get back inside quickly as the sun shining, blue sky wearing pretty day in December is frigging cold. I guess it is winter.  
  
  
  
The phone rings a little later when I'm sipping my coffee and ignoring the credit card bill, which the credit card company evidently saw fit to send me two days after Christmas; how very nice of them.  
  
  
  
It turned out to be Willow asking me if I could baby-sit Harry for the day while they went to the hospital for a check-up. I instantly agreed since Harry wasn't too much trouble just by himself and I loved the little guy. So this was why, two hours later, I was to be found on the floor of the living room watching Harry play and playing as well. I look at Harry and am somehow at peace. It's the same with the other children. I heard somewhere that it isn't unusual. Of course I think when other people feel it, they are looking at their own children, but I don't see much difference. I am an aunt and godmother and that's as near as I'm going to get right now. And as I laugh at Harry's delight at his newfound skill I know that being an aunt is pretty damn good.  
  
  
  
When there was a knock at the door several minutes later I picked Harry up and put him on my hip before going to answer since I didn't want to leave him by himself. So there was I, and Harry, answering the door just like any other time.  
  
  
  
Not like any other time.  
  
  
  
"Hello." I found myself saying before the door was even open completely.  
  
Before I even saw who it was.  
  
Before I saw who was standing on my doorstep.  
  
Before I saw who was standing on my doorstep in the bright blazing like winter sun on the same cold morning it was when I collected the mail.  
  
In the cold,  
  
In the winter sun,  
  
The sun,  
  
Angel.  
  
  
  
As good as it was to set my eyes on his gorgeous features after so long it didn't quite override my shock at seeing him there in the first place.  
  
On my doorstep,  
  
Looking gorgeous,  
  
Holding flowers,  
  
In the sun,  
  
The sun.  
  
  
  
My shock at seeing him in the sun, and unfortunately, my legs suddenly threatened to give way, despite my continuing slayer strength, they appeared to have forgotten this and now felt like two very unstable limbs made of jelly.  
  
Thankfully, my brain was not as arrogant in its reliance on my strength as my present thinking was, and helpfully allowed me to quickly put my free hand on the wall for support.  
  
Also, Angel seemed to have realised about the difficulty I was having with my legs and opened his arms offering to take Harry from me, which I reluctantly accepted. And, free from the responsibility of holding my best friends baby I gave in to the new, no leg strength scenario and all the sudden confused yammering that was going on in my head, and I did what anyone in the same situation would do. I fainted. How embarrassing.  
  
  
  
  
  
I opened my eyes to find I wasn't by the door any longer, but on the couch.  
  
  
  
"Hey, you okay?" I heard him ask me a second later. And though I got my eyes to focus on the image of him sitting by me I couldn't quite get my mind to believe it, to believe any of it.  
  
I eyed him uncertainly, and then suddenly came to my senses.  
  
  
  
"Where's Harry?" I exclaimed, sitting up too quickly and giving myself a head rush. While a laugh and 'me!" from Harry on the floor with his toys again told me he was both, there and happy. I smiled, relieved and looked at Angel again, finding that we were now a bit close, obviously realising this, he moved back a little further on the couch to give me some room.  
  
  
  
"Harry is it? He wouldn't tell me his name." Angel chuckled a little.  
  
  
  
I couldn't decide whether this was real or not, but judging the rapidly fading pain in my head I thought I might as well trust it. Particularly since my godson doesn't normally take such a major role in my family fantasies.  
  
  
  
I smiled, not sure what I was going to do.  
  
  
  
"He's not allowed to talk to strangers." I said quietly. Angel regarded me, trying to decide if I was joking or annoyed. I'm not sure what I had meant.  
  
  
  
"Buffy." Angel started, but I interrupted him.  
  
  
  
"Are you sure he's okay?" I asked him, suddenly not wanting to know why he was here. Why was he here? I had too many horrible scenes run through my head. None of them included me in any way. I suppose that it was very selfish of me to hope or assume that he was here for me in some way. It was most likely for my help in some rare demon matter. There are not many demons around anymore, but there are enough to stir up trouble occasionally, yes, that is why he is here.  
  
I got up, sitting on the carpet by Harry and his toys.  
  
  
  
"You okay sweetie?" I asked him, he nodded at me and went back to his play. He, was clearly unaffected by the presence of the tall dark and handsome stranger (to him) that was sitting in my living room.  
  
  
  
Having made sure that Harry was okay I turned to look up at him, by useful excuse for delay, gone.  
  
  
  
"Angel."  
  
"You have accepted that I am here then?" He asked; I detected only a hint of humour in his voice.  
  
"I suppose that it would be hard to pretend you aren't here when I passed out from the shock of it." I told him honestly.  
  
"And woke up in here two minutes later."  
  
"Yes."  
  
A slightly awkward silence followed this short exchange. I imagined Angel and me in more than one fantasy just while I was sitting there.  
  
Angel broke it.  
  
"How old is Harry?" He asked, which brought me out of my daydream very abruptly, hoping my face didn't look as red as it felt I considered his question. He wanted to talk about Harry?  
  
"He's two years and one month." I told him, well he'd asked hadn't he?  
  
"Is his dad around?" He asked a moment later. I looked at him very confused, and then realised.  
  
He knew nothing about Harry. I'm not sure he knew anything about anyone of the Sunnydale Scooby's that were still in Sunnydale.  
  
He didn't know that Harry was Will and Tara's son. That Willow had had him.  
  
  
  
He thought Harry was mine.  
  
Huh, he does have an odd, unreadable kind of expression on his face, that could be explained by.my heart did a little flip flop, stupid romantic thing.by jealousy.  
  
He could be jealous of the imaginary father of my imagined son. Interesting. Though I knew that he wasn't necessarily jealous, unfortunately, my heart took over and I couldn't think of any other reasons for his expression and strain on his voice or the look on his face.  
  
Well, even if he wasn't jealous, I could work with this.  
  
"Harry's dad? No he isn't in Harry's life." I told him simply.  
  
"No?" Angel enquired, a little bit too politely, like he was restraining himself.  
  
"No, not that he doesn't have a father figure, he does. He still has plenty of fatherly type interaction." Angel looked briefly saddened but it was gone that quickly I'm not sure that the emotion had actually crossed his face. Maybe I was just imagining things I wanted to see.  
  
"A father figure, well that's good."  
  
"Yes, especially since some children raised in gay relationships have only the influence from one gender." Now he looked very confused. I could almost hear his brain trying to make the connections to understand me. I could almost hear the 'Buffy is gay?' in his head. I knew it was a little cruel but it was really a result of his assumption.  
  
"Gay?" I pretended not to hear that.  
  
"And Harry and Xander get on so well."  
  
"Xander?"  
  
"Yeah." I paused to see him get more confused. "Anyway, I'm sure you didn't come here to talk about Harry, as lovely as he is."  
  
"No, I didn't, but, Harry, he's your son right?" I looked at him like I would anyone who asked me that question, surprised.  
  
"No, he's my godson, whatever gave you the idea that he was my son?" I asked him, hiding my grin.  
  
"But, you said.he's not your son?" I shook my head. "He's my godson, I just have the pleasure of babysitting him a bit, sometimes." Angel looked like he understood a bit better and I, again, imagined that he looked relieved. Wishful thinking.  
  
"So Harry is.Willow and Tara's son?" He asked hesitantly.  
  
"Yeah, they're at the hospital so I'm looking after him, obviously." I added to myself.  
  
"The hospital? Nothing serious I hope." Angel sounded concerned and I found myself falling. His concern for people that weren't in his life now was so.I can't describe it. "Buffy?" He asked,  
  
"Oh, no, Tara's six months pregnant, it's just a check-up, everything's been fine so far."  
  
"Pregnant? That's great."  
  
"Yeah." I said, a bit quietly. I decided to draw the conversation forward. "There was a reason you came here right? It wasn't to just talk about Harry."  
  
"No, but, I did come here to talk to you Buffy."  
  
"What about? Everyone's okay right, Cordelia and Wes and everyone?"  
  
"Oh yeah, they're great, Cordy and Wes have a three year old son too."  
  
"They do? What's his name?" Having no children yourself makes you so much more interested in other peoples.  
  
"He's called, um, Liam." I smiled,  
  
"So," I said, trying to encourage him to continue.  
  
"Yeah, I came to talk to you, this, this wasn't exactly how I pictured this would go."  
  
"You pictured us talking?" Angel smiled a little.  
  
"I came to tell you something, and ask you something." I looked at him gone out. And silently begged him to get on with it so I didn't have to go completely mad while sitting here looking at the object of my long term affection and dreams.  
  
"You came to tell me something two days after Christmas, after years of non- communication?" I asked, trying but failing to disguise the bitterness in my voice.  
  
"Yeah." He said, a little downcast. It was cute actually, and my anger seemed to dissipate.  
  
"Go on then." I said, my impatience getting the better of me in spite of his cuteness. It had been years, after all.  
  
"Buffy, the thing is, two days ago, something happened." I looked at him showing my interest.  
  
And that was when it hit me.  
  
What I was really looking at.  
  
Angel.  
  
My Angel was talking to me,  
  
Sitting on my couch  
  
On my couch, in my living room,  
  
Sitting in the sun.  
  
  
  
How was it that I hadn't seen it before? I know the answer to that, I was too busy delaying talking to him properly and confusing him with Harry's genealogy. I had seen it; I just hadn't accepted what I was seeing.  
  
"You're in the sun, and you're not all dusty." I blurted out before I could help it.  
  
He smiled at me and nodded slowly and opened his mouth about to say something but I went on, sure I was right.  
  
"How come you're wearing the Ring of Amara? You never did before, in fact, Oz told us that you'd destroyed it. You didn't?" I asked as he shook his head at me, smiling slightly.  
  
"No." I didn't reply, waiting for him to explain, what did he mean? "You're confused now?" I nodded not caring that he was having fun this time, as I had been when he misunderstood about Harry. He leaned forward and kneeled on the floor like I was. I could see Harry watching us with interest. His face was only about two inches from mine when he spoke next, "Let me make it simple, I came to tell you but let me show you instead." And he took my hand in his two hands, his two warm hands.  
  
I almost jumped backwards from surprise but my mind rushed round, full circle and allowed me to fully understand and accept the truth.  
  
Our eyes still locked, I moved my hand, still held in his and placed it on his chest, above his heart, and I felt it beating.  
  
The moment was perfect, and it seemed too peaceful a moment to break with words but after about five minutes of my hand being on his chest and of us staring into each other's eyes, Harry decided that it had been quiet and broke it for us.  
  
"Kissy!" He exclaimed, clearly wanting us to do something more entertaining than, nothing.  
  
My face suddenly felt very hot and I was aware of how close Angel and I were, even though it had felt so comfortable a second ago.  
  
"Buffy?" He asked quietly, sensing that I was about to move away. His stare felt like it was going beyond my eyes, into my soul. I didn't want to look away, but what was he thinking? He was human, and he came here? The romantic in me tried to get my attention, 'He's human and he came here!' but it was Angel who had my attention. I just prayed that he hadn't come here just to tell me and then leave.  
  
"You wanted to ask me something?" Hardly daring to speculate as to what he was going to say. He nodded, almost imperceptibly,  
  
"I do, but I wanted to say something first," He paused, as if he was nervous. " I know that whatever happened between us I loved and still love you, like no one else in the world and I know that you loved me. I wanted to stay here, but I knew I couldn't. I'm sorry for the hurt Buffy. I left to help people, to try to earn my redemption, hoping that maybe one day, I could come back to you." He swallowed nervously, "I never expected it, it happened two days ago. I woke up and was breathing. My present from the Powers that Be I guess. I got my redemption and all I could think about was coming here to see you. It took me over a day to work up the courage to come here. I was too afraid of your reaction, of you being in the middle of family Christmas celebrations. But I knew I had to come, just in case. I know I told you to move on, to have a normal life and I understand if you are happy now, or if you have someone. I just had to take the chance, however small it was, that you didn't have.because I love you. When you answered the door I saw the girl that I fell in love with, as the woman she turned into, a woman more beautiful than my greatest memory and I fell in love with you, even more, and I didn't think that was possible. The question I came to ask you, I can only ask if you don't have a husband, or boyfriend." He paused, a hopeful expression on his face and I nearly shouted out in happiness.  
  
"I don't have a husband or boyfriend, at the moment." I whispered, the smile on my face getting bigger with every passing second. He looked relieved again and I finally let myself hope. My smile wasn't exactly subtle and I think Angel took the hint from my expression that he could continue.  
  
"Buffy, I came to ask you, if you would spend the rest of your life with me?" I nodded, a single tear rolling down my cheek, which he kissed away before gently placing his lips over mine in a gentle longing kiss that I'd been waiting for, for far too long. "Is that a yes then?" He asked laughing when we parted for air.  
  
"Yes, but wait." I said as he leaned in to kiss me again. He looked concerned. "It's okay, it's just, you got to say your piece and now I want to get my bit out." He nodded understanding. Neither of us moving from our positions, with our hands now clasped together. Harry hadn't moved either, evidently fascinated with what was going on in front of him. "The truth is I never stopped loving you and I couldn't find a normal life because I didn't want one. I didn't want a life without you in it. I know it was silly of me to keep hoping for a miracle, everyone else thought so but didn't say it. But I did, and you came. We got our miracle Angel, a Christmas miracle, and I love you."  
  
"I love you." Angel replied, not caring that there was tears in his eyes.  
  
"Do you want to ask me that question again?" He nodded and we both grinned, suddenly feeling like two giddy teenagers.  
  
"Do you want to get up and then I can do it kneeling. The traditional way?" I shook my head.  
  
"When were we ever conventional, I like you just where you are." He nodded,  
  
  
  
"Will you Buffy Anne Summers, do me the honour of letting me be your husband? Will you marry me?" He took out a ring, my silver claddagh ring. I gasped, realising that he must have found it in the mansion and kept it for me.  
  
"Yes, I will marry you." He put the ring on my ring finger and we hugged each other before our lips found each other again, while little Harry laughed at us.  
  
It wasn't very surprising that we didn't hear anything; we were too involved with each other to hear them come in.  
  
"Honestly Buffy, Angel." Willow said, laughing at us.  
  
"What are you exposing our child to?" Tara continued, laughing just as hard as Willow.  
  
"Nothing that she doesn't see at home." I told them.  
  
"We know, just love." And Angel and I looked at each other, thinking the same thing.  
  
"Love," I began saying, "is never."  
  
". 'Just' anything." Angel finished for me.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Pretty baby don't you leave me  
  
  
  
I know you won't  
  
  
  
I have been saving smiles for you  
  
I don't need to now  
  
Pretty baby why can't you see  
  
You see now  
  
You're the one that I belong to  
  
You know now  
  
I'll be the embrace that keeps you warm  
  
Forever  
  
For you're the sun that breaks the storm  
  
No more rain  
  
I'll be alright and I'll sleep sound  
  
With you  
  
As long as you keep comin' round  
  
I'm happy.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Epilogue coming very soon, should have finished it tonight. : ) 


	4. Pretty Baby

AN: Little correction, apparently the italics didn't work in the earlier chapters. Hopefully, the lyrics of 'Pretty Baby' were obvious enough, tell me if they aren't and I'll do something about it. : )  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
4. Pretty Baby. An Epilogue  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I pull my jacket around me some more, as far as it will go and walk on through the crowded streets of Sunnydale. It's very cold and it makes me want to walk faster so that I can get home quicker, I don't though, not sure if it would be a good idea.  
  
"Come on Buffy, we'll get home soon, out of the cold. There's no need to rush." Willow told me carrying both Harry and some shopping bags.  
  
"I know, it's just, I'm tired I guess, I'm sorry," I paused, "I wasn't horrible to you while we were shopping today was I?" I asked her as we walked into the car park.  
  
"No, just a little impatient, not bad really, relatively speaking." Willow said, chuckling a little while I felt a little better, even though she was having a bit of a laugh at my expense. It's not like I could help bad mood swings that I didn't realise I was having.  
  
After getting myself in Willow's car and finding a comfortable sitting position, we got going, Harry singing in the back to some indecipherable tune.  
  
"You got all your shopping done now?" Willow asked what, to anyone else would be a perfectly innocent question, while she smiled adoringly in the rear view, at her son singing.  
  
"Yeah, I got most of it done early so it's all done now." Willow smiled, while muttering, "thank god." under her breath.  
  
Whether or not I was meant to hear I did anyway and tried not to sulk about it. I couldn't help my moods; it was down to hormones. But no one seemed to listen to me when I told them that, except Angel of course. He reasoned that maybe they were worse because I was the slayer. All the others could focus on was being 'very nice' to big old Buffy in case she blew up at them and went off on one. It would be funny I suppose to other people, because while they weren't trying to avoid 'Buffy blow outs' I suspected they were all laughing at me.  
  
I guess I might have a heightened sense of paranoia as well.  
  
And I suppose I might be prone to exaggeration, a little.  
  
  
  
"Honey, I'm home." I called as we closed the door and a very lovely looking husband of mine walked through from the kitchen wearing an apron and a gorgeous smile.  
  
"Hello beautiful, how are my girls?" He asked as he enveloped as much of me as he could into a hug, giving me a quick kiss.  
  
"We're fine." I told him while Willow, who had put Harry down turned to look at me with one of her classic Willow looks.  
  
"Was she good?" Angel joked, an arm around me as I began to lean on him a little.  
  
"She was actually okay today." Willow told him separating our shopping bags.  
  
"Wow, is that a record?"  
  
"Hey, I'm right here. I don't think you should make fun of your very pregnant wife when she's standing right next to you."  
  
"I know, I'm sorry, you feel okay?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Don't listen to her, she's exhausted and she needs to sit down until she has that baby." Willow told him, getting her things together. "Anyway, I've got to get back to Tara and James we'll see you guys okay?" She said hugging me. "Harry! We're going." He came running and they went out of the door. "You heard what I said, sit down, and rest, now, okay?" She smiled, "Bye." "Bye aunt Buffy, uncle Angel." Harry waved and they were gone.  
  
"Oooohhhh, it's all peaceful." I said as I embraced Angel again.  
  
"Come on sweetie, do what the doctor ordered okay?" As I sat down on the couch, he kissed my forehead and went back to the kitchen and making dinner. I was left with my tired but happy thoughts and the flicker of the fire, which lulled me into sweet dream filled sleep.  
  
Later when we'd had dinner and were sat watching but not really the watching the TV, I reflected on this year. The best year in my memory, marriage, baby, Angel and me, finally happy, like a fairy tale or a Christmas story.  
  
Everything is different now. Families make things different I suppose.  
  
One of the good moments was Dawn's face when I told her Angel and I were getting married and then later when I told her we were pregnant, it was just priceless. Her jumping up and down was very mature but very sweet. Of course, there were loads of good moments. Angel and me moments.hmmm.  
  
How is it that carrying a child gives you an immediate different perspective on things? I guess it's because you're already a parent.  
  
The rocking motion of the new rocking chair is very soothing, relaxing. My hand in his rests gently on my ever-growing belly, Angel sits by me on the couch and I remember last Christmas, our miracle. Angel suspects that our daughter will be this years Christmas miracle, and he's right, whenever she decides to make an appearance.  
  
She already has her name; it wasn't hard to choose.  
  
Alyssa Faith.  
  
Alyssa for Truth; the truth of our love rediscovered and our love for her.  
  
And Faith; after her aunt, and because;  
  
All things work themselves out eventually.  
  
.If you have faith. If you believe. 


End file.
